Why I’ve Never Been Great at New Year’s Resolutions

(Part 1: A Work in Progress)
Let me be honest. New Year’s resolutions have never really been my thing.

I love talking about what I want to do differently in the coming year, but if I’m being truthful, I rarely follow through in any meaningful, long-term way.

And until recently, I never really questioned why.

This Christmas, my mom gave me a special edition magazine from Psychology Now called Understanding Your Emotions. Which, aside from briefly wondering if this was a subtle, passive way of suggesting I should work on my emotional health, felt oddly timely.

At Haskill, our January theme this year is Reset Without the Pressure, and I had been thinking about how to introduce that idea in a way that felt personal, not preachy. The magazine showed up at exactly the right moment.

As I was reading through it, I started thinking about my own personality and really trying to tap into my self-awareness, as one of the articles highly encourages.
(Always a fun exercise.)

That’s when I found myself asking a more interesting question than “Why don’t my resolutions stick?” 

Why don’t I make resolutions I actually want to keep?

And what about my mindset might be quietly working against me, especially in January?

The Real Reasons My Resolutions Tend to Fizzle

Once I started paying attention, a few patterns became pretty obvious.

1. I’m Often Chasing a Past Version of Myself

A lot of my resolutions are about “getting back” to a version of myself from another season of life. One with fewer responsibilities, more time, different energy, and honestly, a very different schedule.

There’s nothing wrong with missing that version. But designing goals around her doesn’t make much sense for my life today.

2. Some Goals Feel a Little Too Public

If a goal is very outward-facing or visible, there’s a part of me that quietly worries about failing in front of other people. And while accountability can be helpful, it can also add pressure that makes quitting feel safer than continuing imperfectly.

It’s easier to quietly abandon a goal than explain why it didn’t work.

3. I Sometimes Pick “Good Goals” Instead of Meaningful Ones

You know the kind. Healthy. Productive. Impressive on paper.

But when I’m honest, some of those goals aren’t deeply personal. They’re just things I think I should want. And it turns out, wanting a goal and caring about it enough to sustain it are two very different things.

As Brené Brown puts it, “Drop the perfect. Perfect doesn’t exist.”

Aiming for perfection tends to set us up for disappointment, not progress.

4. Some Goals Require a Full Life Reorganization

There are resolutions that would require a complete overhaul of my daily rhythm, one that affects other people too. Family schedules. Work flow. Even small routines.

Expecting those changes to happen smoothly, without friction, is optimistic at best.

Turns Out, This Is Pretty Normal

Behavioral psychology and habit-formation research consistently show that change tends to fall apart not because people lack motivation, but because goals are often built on:

• all-or-nothing thinking
• guilt instead of curiosity
• willpower instead of support
• expectations that ignore season, energy, and real life

One article in Understanding Your Emotions described self-awareness this way:

“Self-awareness is about embracing yourself without judgment, simply accepting yourself, with all your strengths and weaknesses, as you are at any given moment in time.”

Reading that, I realized how many resolutions start from the opposite place. Judgment first. Support later. If at all. It also made me wonder:

What if the better question isn’t “Can I stick to this?”
But “Is this goal actually realistic for the life I’m living right now?”

A Gentle Reality Check Before You Commit

So here’s a simple, no-pressure reality check.

Think of it less like a test and more like a quick gut check.

The January Goal Reality Check

For each question, choose the answer that fits best:

• A = 1 point
  
• B = 2 points
  
• C = 3 points
  

1. Why do you want this goal?
A. Because I feel behind or like I “should”
B. Because it seems like a good idea
C. Because I’m genuinely curious how it might help

2. If progress were slow, how would that feel?
A. Discouraging
B. A little frustrating, but okay
C. Totally fine

3. Given the current season (weather, energy, daylight), how realistic does this feel?
A. Not very
B. Somewhat
C. Very

4. How much pressure does this goal add to your life?
A. A lot
B. Some
C. Very little

5. If you miss a day or do less than planned, what happens next?
A. It feels like failure
B. I regroup
C. I keep going without much stress

6. Does this goal rely more on willpower, or on routines that support you?
A. Mostly willpower
B. A mix of both
C. Mostly support and structure

7. When you imagine doing this on an average day, how does it feel?
A. Heavy or tense
B. Neutral
C. Calm or encouraging

8. If you paused this goal in February, how would you feel?
A. Like I failed
B. A little disappointed
C. Fine. It served its purpose.

Add Up Your Score

0–5 points
This goal may be asking too much right now. That doesn’t mean it’s a bad goal, just not a great fit for this moment.

6–10 points
Achievable, but possibly aggressive. This one may need more flexibility or support.

11+ points
Well-matched to your current capacity. These are the goals that tend to stick.

No Grand Conclusions (Yet)

I don’t have a tidy ending here, mostly because I’m still in the middle of this myself.

This year, instead of chasing a big, impressive resolution, I’m experimenting with something quieter. Choosing goals that actually fit the life I’m living now. Ones that don’t require a personality transplant or a total schedule overhaul.

Will it work? I honestly don’t know yet.

Check back with me in a few months and we can compare notes.

Part 2 coming… probably once I have a little more data.

Sources referenced: Understanding Your Emotions, Psychology Now